” Be Wary in an Economy Controlled by a Single Player”
September 18, 2081
The New York Times
Business Editorial Section
There is much excitement surrounding the impending opening of the International Lunar Market, but putting money into Lunar stocks has more layers of risk than some people realize. Whereas securities on earth have the benefit of being convertible into the currency of a country founded on habitable land, moon currency has a much shakier value. Moon colonization has been implemented in such a way that it requires a thriving economy. Its energy needs are of an amount that is a large magnification of those of earth. Not only are there the difficulties of harvesting moon dust and refining it into usable energy, but the International Moon Colony’s sustenance requires intense recycling, with the delicate system of air and water maintenance requiring 78% of refined moon dust energy for continued propagation. It is this hunger for energy that will be the driving force behind the Lunar market.
It is theorized by optimists that the economy will scale to the point where Shell-Beignet Lunar Dust (ILM: BDST ), the lone player in the moon dust business, will be netting more revenue than any other company on the moon or on earth. However, it currently is heavily margined on the moon’s future success, and is operating on a loss through financing by Everline-ilk Financial. It is unknown how long this will continue, because it depends how many people are willing to immigrate to the Moon.
Much has been written about the “snowball or no-ball” concept of the moon; the idea that, as the moon grows, more people will be attracted to it, but also that few people are willing to make the intense commitment of moving from their home country to the Moon. Moreover, it isn’t like Christopher Columbus leading desperate commonfolk from their poverty-stricken existence to a land of opportunity. The only people who are welcome on the developing moon in accordance with its strict UN-delegated screening process are the best and the brightest, the healthiest in mind, body, and spirit. These are people with a lot to lose. At the risk of sounding like a conspiracy theorist, this fact can be expounded upon to illustrate a subtle sign that Everline-ilk, the supposed backbone of the Lunar economy, is not as interested in Lunar expansion as it may seem.
Seven months ago, in the midst of the UN’s monopoly-sanctioning negotiations with Wal-Mark and Everline-ilk, the London School of Economics submitted an unsolicited report to the UN suggesting a number of ways to hold Everline-ilk(ILM: EVIL ) more accountable for the security of the Lunar economy. Perhaps the most salient proposal was to require Everline-ilk to provide heavy incentives for citizens and their families to be brought to the moon for long-term settlement. These incentive packages would include generous insurance against a Lunar economic collapse. If the Moon thrives, Everline-ilk benefits from a growing economy, but never has to pay out the collapse insurance money; a seemingly utilitarian proposal.
Three months later, a memo between higher-ups within Everline-ilk was leaked. It dismissed the report’s economic proposals with the usual investment bank bravado. Why would they offer insurance? To offer colonists insurance would erode the insurance Everline-ilk has against the Moon’s highly probable economic instability. Perhaps the most chilling element of the memo was the mention of a projected “expiration date” on the International Lunar Colony.
To understand the value of Everline-ilk’s set-up requires an understanding of the reactive nature of a successful financial institution. Diversification, hedging, liquid coffers–these are all allowances to creatively benefit from any errant economy. And in addition to this resilience, Everline-ilk is poised to be able to tactically swirl the currents of the entire ocean of the economy through its investment in the only other two members of the economy, Shell-Beignet Dust and Wal-Mark (ILM: WMC ). Everline-ilk could be thought of as having a series of filters or collective devices positioned throughout this ocean, such that the more the economy swirls with semi-predictable entropy, the more they can collect the financial sediment that floats within the current. By this same token, Everline-ilk benefits from as many laymen being in the market as possible, with increased market volume reducing slippage for Everline-ilk’s inevitable massive, market-shifting trades.
Colleagues have called me unpatriotic. The prince of England took this one step further, calling me “antiglobalistic” and defriending me on Facebook. To soften this blow, I offer a piece of middle-ground advice to prospective investors. The best way to go long on the moon is to go long on the globus. It is more liquidable (in terms of Earth currencies) than any individual stock within the market will be when the market opens next year.
For more evidence of the moon’s unsure future, look no further than the fluctuations of proxy lunar markets; you can already convert Earth currencies to globus, and trade moon-dust futures. Once again, I urge you to heed my warning–look, but don’t touch!
***About the author****
Randy Wager holds a PhD in both Astrophysics and Economics from MIT and Harvard, respectively. He is the assistant director of the Theoretical Economics Department at the Harvard-Yale Institute for Cognoscenti.
“Shoot for the Moon”
Business Editorial Section
The Wall Street Journal
September 23, 2081
Trepidation is today’s buzzword when it comes to predictions of the soon-to-burgeon International Lunar Market. Every financial publication I read sounds like an overbearing mother. They ask, “how will you hedge your portfolio with respect to the creation of an entirely new market?” And this is a fair question–it is true that there are risks to investing in the hasty colonization of our planet’s natural satellite. After all, if the great experiment of moon colonization failed, the globus would lose all value, and the conversion rate for getting your money into globus in the first place is $3.72 : 1g, meaning that if the market were shriveling, pulling out would not only require liquidating stock, but also liquidating your globus. But this economy’s warts of worry will soon be hidden by the flattering explosive growth of individual stocks! Don’t you want to be there for the century’s greatest opportunity to multiply an investment times 100, times 1000, or times any arbitrarily large number you can think of? The main risk I see is one of underinvestment!
I want to dispute points made by a certain overly conservative economist who recently appeared in the New York Times. He argued that Everline-ilk Financial Group’s benevolent investment in the lunar economy was compelled by motives ulterior to the economic growth of people across the world who are astute enough to put their own stake in the development of the Moon. Strangely, while this economist acknowledged Everline-ilk’s significant investment in Shell-Beignet Moon Dust Collection/Refinement/Energy Distribution company, and Everline-ilk’s purchase of bonds from Wal-Mark, this same economist also argued that Everline-ilk (ILM: EVIL ) could somehow manage to hedge itself against the collapse of the moon. In fact, he went so far as to say that Everline-ilk could be incentivized to allow or encourage the moon’s very collapse.
The world economy is currently growing at a rate that is, in a month-long or year-long time frame, more steady and explosive than in the seven decades prior to the 2080s. However, in a shorter time frame (a day or week), individual companies and their stocks bounce dramatically and unpredictably, and those who are not big enough to weather the storm of daily flash crashes must be absorbed by large, variance-resilient blue-chip companies in order to survive intense devaluation. This is due to the fact that the quantum computing revolution allowed self-teaching or “heuristic” trading algorithms to seize control of the market. At this point, flash crashes happen as often as a heart beat on an EKG. These heuristic algorithms are nondeterministic, and advocates for government intervention of computerized trading argue that it is Capitalism’s luck that the addition of these powerful trading bots has, so far, perpetuated economic growth instead of collapse.
Anti-business, big-government propagandists that have no faith in the algorithms’ continued benefits to our economy. They argue that, some day, a flash crash will cause a dip that does not rebound. That’s why restrictions against trading programs have been put on the International Lunar Market. On the bright side, this further opens up the moon’s market to you, the individual trader! No longer will you have to compete with quantum-powered investment banks making millions of trades every microsecond.
The New York Times economist suggested going long on the globus as a middle ground for the trepidatious investor who is sideways on the market. I would argue that this is an anticapitalistic sin. Every time an amount of Earth currency is converted to globus, the increase in liquid globus will be logged in computer databases around the world, and the more uncommitted globus floating in the marketplace, the more unsure the general market atmosphere will become, discouraging all Lunar investment. On the contrary, a globus magnanimously committed to tangible growth will buy you a stock that pays dividends in feelings of fulfilled consumer responsibility and contribution to the international Lunar community–not to mention profits!
To go long on the globus at a higher velocity, why not invest in Everline-ilk? Rather than being subject to the whims of an entire currency, let yourself be cradled in the arms of the largest financial institution in the world, which is doing its best to promote the growth of the moon through its generous investment in lunar colonial growth. Don’t limit yourself to stifled profits of this emerging market. Have your dollars, Euros, and yen converted to globus and ready to trade on July 4th, 2082!
****About the author****
Ken Livelier is a public relations consultant specializing in finance. He currently works at Citizens for Abundant Profits.
Metanote: I would like to point out that, judging by a Google search for “sci financial” || “sci-financial”, I am a genre pioneer.